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Have you ever heard of the phrase “Everyone likes to watch a train wreck”? Well I don’t know how many people have heard of this new show on Animal Planet, but I do recommend it to everyone. The new show, Whale Wars, follows a group of sea conversationalists known as the “Sea Shepherds” on their quest in protecting whales from being hunted in Antarctic waters. The documentary style drama captures what these eco-warriors do best – doing everything in their power to try and stop Japanese whaling ships… and when I say “everything in their power”, I really do mean EVERYTHING.

Now normally I would whole-heartedly commend these noble deeds (who can say no to whales??), but after watching the first few episodes I’ve come to a realization that the whole Sea Shepherd crew is probably more borderline insane than actually doing any good.

The actual Sea Shepherd flag... I kid you not.

Couple of the normal tactics that they use to distract the whaling ships include throwing stink bombs and Methocel packets (substance that makes the ship deck very slippery), which are laughable at best. But other more dangerous and risky escapades include throwing long lengths of thick rope underneath the whaling ship in hopes that the rope will become entangled in the propellers, navigating precariously close to a massive whaling vessel in a small inflatable zodiac, and setting out on attack missions in the middle of the night without really any solid plans – only to get lost for hours in the dark and endless ocean. Every step of the way, the seemingly inexperienced crew are constantly putting themselves and others in harms way, and it’s only a matter of time until someone really gets hurt. And although it may seem wrong, I am secretly waiting for that instant to happen (they kind of deserve it).

I mean really, when the captain asks two members of his crew to take a zodiac, get close to a whaling ship, and then throw themselves overboard onto the whaling ship in an attempt to become whale war hostages??? That’s just the most winning combination of lunacy and retardation I’ve ever seen. Oh, and when they decide that it was a good idea to board a Japanese “spy” vessel to destroy their communication equipment? Pure Homer Simpson-esque S.M.R.T.s there, not to mention that all of their more-than-likely illegal actions are documented on film for the world to watch.

I guess the thing to remember here that these people are not highly trained special ops personnel equipped to overtake illegal whaling ships… these people are not even the coast guard for crying out loud. They are pretty much the craziest of the environmentalists out there, whom are already pretty crazy themselves in my book. Case in point: living in a tree for 10 months in UC Berkeley. Add a couple of inflatable rafts, a helicopter, and some complicated hydraulic machinery just for kicks and you got yourself a TV show!

Animal Planet - Whale Wars Preview

The only thing that I do find sad is that despite all of the media attention this attracts to illegal whaling operations, it sets back any real anti-whaling negotiations by years on the pure fact that nations view the Sea Shepherd tactics as more acts of piracy than anything meaningful. In fact, even Animal Planet has recently inserted disclaimers between each of its commercial breaks, distancing themselves from actions of the Sea Shepherd group… so you know it has to be good!